View from the Summit

I Don't Want To Be A Father

Posted by Aaron Walker on May 28, 2015 4:12:00 PM

 
 
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Any male can be a father, but it takes a special man to be a dad.

 
It is a very distinct privilege for me to be a life and business coach to men. I have chosen to coach men for a number of reasons, but one of my primary reasons is that I feel there is a huge shortage of "real dads".
Let's unpack a portion of what I see in our homes as well as in the workplace. I would like to focus on how men relate to their children daily. We say that our children are important, but our actions say that we are self-absorbed and extremely selfish.
  • We tell our coworkers that we need quality time with the children, and we head off to the woods to hunt every single weekend (or day off) for the next three months.
  • We tell our wife that we are taking the kids to the playground or local park, and they play by themselves while we constantly scroll through social media.
  • We make weekend plans that fit our personal schedules rather than consider what our wife and children might want.
  • We say that work is stressful, and we need alone time or time just to decompress never considering those around us.
  • Every little thing that the kids do get on our last nerve, after all, we've worked all day, and we have the right to do nothing once we're home.
  • We take the long route home to gain a few extra minutes prior to the wife "handing off" those wild little maniacs.
  • We say no to everything because we are exhausted, flustered and tired.
  • We plan golf, basketball and fishing weeks and even months in advance, but the thought of planning this coming Friday night with the kids blows your mind.
  • We have an entitlement mindset for ourselves because we work hard through the week, and we are self-serving.
  • We can't watch Netflix with the kids because the Patriots are on, after all, you have busted your butt all week, and all I'm asking for is to be left alone.

Does this sound all too familiar? Is there a sense of guilt raising its ugly head? Are you sitting there rationalizing your actions because you know deep down you are a part of the "we" I just described?

Please, call me Dad! Just think for a moment how differently your day could look. What if you sat the family down tonight and took personal responsibility for your actions and your schedule. What if you apologized for your past behavior and said that from now on you were going to be a servant leader to your kids, not just a financial provider. How do you think it would make your children feel if you canceled half of those recreational activities so that you could be with them? I'm not suggesting that you not do anything you want, I'm just suggesting that you be the dad you signed up to be.

You see, you have a choice, the kids don't. You get to pick and choose the activities you participate in with the kids; they have no vote.

What if you canceled a very important work event to be with them, how do you think they would view you now? Think about the look on their face if you declared Friday night as "Family Night". In your kids eyes, it would be such a meaningful and cool evening to play a board game and let the NFL figure it out on their own. Throwing a baseball with your son, uninterrupted by your phone, would be epic. Looking deep into your daughter's eyes, listening to her about her day and truly engaging would mean the world to her. This Saturday you could instruct your kids how to love their mom out of honor and respect. Get the eno out, relax, and tell stories about how it was when you were growing up.

There are countless examples how you could be very intentional about being an amazing dad.

It's your choice; you can be a father, 
or you can step up to the plate and be a dad.

Live on purpose,

Aaron

@VFTCoach


 

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Topics: Accountability, Family

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